Vulnerability in Change – Part IV

In the true nature of who I am—cutting through the chase and being transparent I ask you to answer the above question. Hygiene is important is it not? What happens when you don’t change your underwear? It doesn’t take long before there is a smell, a stench, a stink that repels others and attracts bugs. We give strong advice to our children about the necessity of good hygiene. We reprimand them for not changing daily.

I know the title might be unappealing and even repelling to some but I believe it’s a good analogy. We wouldn’t think of wearing the same underwear for three or four days: smelly, seedy, downright gross. But, we somehow never give a second thought about wearing smelly, seedy, downright gross energy which is much more harmful.

I work with women who are either leaving tainted and destructive relationships, changing careers, or going through some type of major transition. Many are vulnerable and feel such. Even age, a major birthday like a fiftieth, can leave a woman vulnerable.  I can do one of two things for these women: I can tell them they are incredibly strong, amazing, and resourceful beings who are fearfully made.

I can tell them they have the innate power to get up and take control of their life and circumstance. They have the energy to kick ass and take names. They need never, ever give up hope! They do not have to remain vulnerable. Or, I can make excuses.

I can hold their hands, rub their backs and heads and tell them their horribly debilitating, disabling and somewhat diabolical situations are just that and there is no way out. I can tell them they are too broke, too small, too inferior, and too ignorant to change. I can make excuse after excuse. I can tell them they are not responsible for their situation and they are a victim (definition referenced below). I can blame the devil or demonic powers.

What feels better?

Which of the above scenarios feels empowering? The “Oh, life is terrible, poor me,” or the, “I am in control of my life and nothing can stop me. I can make a change!” Or better yet, “I can make the decision to change.” Really, which one? What about my situation again. I could have sat with a pocket full of money, the Gulf at my feet, feeling sorry for myself; or I could make a decision to enjoy my dream-come-true and move forward without being a subject of attack.

The Tools I Used

As mentioned in Part II of this series, I pumped up my grounding. Instead of spending an hour tormenting myself, trying to figure out what I was going to do (my mind didn’t know there was no previous experience) I amped up the prayer and meditating. I amped up the asking. I had to even ask what to ask. I really didn’t know. Have you ever heard of praying or asking amiss? It sounds like “God, Source, Universe,” whatever name you use, “Will you show me the way?” Sorry but that’s asking amiss.

I was in a strange place. I had gone where I’d never dared to go before. “Show me the way” wasn’t cutting it. So instead I asked, “Send me someone who will speak and bring the truth about living in this part of the world. Send me someone or people I can trust in the purchase of land and property. Let me find the true voice.” I got specific and clear in my ask.

In my time of meditation this is what came to me, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” This is what also came “Lean not to your own understanding; but in all your ways acknowledge Him, for He is directing your path.” Guess what happened? Go ahead, I dear you to guess. Truth, Trust and Voice showed up almost immediately.

A couple overheard my conversation while having breakfast one morning and they came to the rescue. For no charge they would take me around and show me available properties. There was absolutely nothing in it for them. They weren’t realtors. They weren’t agents.

After they showed me around, they went one step further and began asking locals if they were interested in selling their properties. They then volunteered to pick me up and show me more homes and land. Upon my partner returning, they invited us into their lovely home sharing everything they knew—their experiences of living in theYucatan.

They then took us to a property we had been looking at and were interested in buying. They had no way of knowing we had previously seen or had interest in the property. They told us the “true” price the seller was asking. The property had been previously marketed to us for $15,000 over the seller’s asking price.

Not only did this couple show up but others as well. The truth and nothing but the truth was showing up. My neighbor directly across from me became a heart send. I asked if I could accompany her when she was going shopping inMerida with other beautiful sisters. She said yes. I asked if she would mind taking me to drop my trash at the town dump. She said yes.

Here’s the humility lesson I spoke of earlier. I had to wait for someone to take me to get rid of my trash. Interesting enough, a truck came by often; but, I would always miss connecting. Not until my partner returned. Do you think there was a lesson? This woman, by the way, is the same woman who owned the cat my dog had killed. She invited me to afternoon events where I would eat, laugh and meet other trusting and kind souls.

I told another amazing couple, who are now quite good friends, that I didn’t know how to ride the bus. They told me how much it would cost. They told me what to say to the driver, in Spanish, when I needed off. And, they took me directly to where I would catch the bus to go into town and back home again.

Suddenly, there was a plethora of trust and truth. Why? Because I specifically asked for its help! I had so many invitations, so much help that I was overtaken. I’d arrive at home, late at night, exhausted from all the shear adventure, fun and pleasure: fashion shows, afternoon jam sessions, shopping in the City of Merida, potlucks and then all the gala that goes with the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays.

And for the voice, I found the voice of truth all around me. My personal voice as well became emboldened. I also took responsibility for learning the language. I speak with confidence as I continue to learn. The words now come more easily.

It was so simple.

•  I realized I was beginning to sink in negative energy
• I took responsibility for the energy
• I made the choice to change the energy
• I asked for spiritual help
• I asked friends and neighbors for help; and when they showed up
• I responded; I didn’t send them away.

I changed my energy. And, change came.

Thanks but no thanks

So many times God, Source, the Universe sends us help and we say, “No thank you.” Our answer shows up or new energy shows up and we say, “Sorry, not today.” Okay ladies, it’s like you have the choice of putting on the beautiful, new, sexy Vickie Secrets and instead you choose to wear the big, old, raggedy and stained bloomers and wonder why your partner is cheating. Yes, I went there. It really is the same thing. Isn’t that sexy underwear energy? You bet it is. Don’t you feel and act sexy when you wear them?

Let me make you a little angrier. Maybe you’ll do something. We choose to remain in the abusive relationship with excuses. We choose to remain on the boring, unchallenging, low-paying job with excuses. We remain in the broken state of sickness and “dis” ease holding onto anger, hate and un-forgiveness, to name just a few of the crippling emotions, because the smelly, stinky, stench is comfortable and familiar. The known stench is more comfortable than the fragrance that will eventually come with the newness and the change.

Your new energy, your answer can show up in many different and simple ways. Sometimes, it’s simply a smile. Other times, it’s an outstretched hand and heart; it’s someone offering to buy you a cup of coffee. Often, it’s your intuitive voice whispering the direction or way to go.

If you can change your underwear daily, you should give just as much if not more attention to changing your energy, for the better, daily.

To be continued

Victim: 1. One who is harmed or killed by another: 2. A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice during a religious rite. 3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: 4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: 5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of:

Vulnerable:  Susceptible to physical or emotional injury. b. Susceptible to attack:

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Vulnerability in Change Part – II

In my last piece, I shared the true story of my recent transition to the Yucatan. I was completely transparent and honest. I know the power of transparency. I have experienced its transforming power firsthand. My initial experience was working for the Orange County Rescue Mission in Southern Cal as a case manager. I had been warned that I should never, ever share my personal story with clients. But, I had no other story. I told it and the chains and bondage fell away.

My second experience was through the mentoring of my business coach Maria Simone accompanied by her techie, genius husband Michael (Doc) Murdock. Several years ago, during an online coaching session with several on the call, I shared my anxieties and paralysis. The session took a different course becoming a spiritual healing session for not just me but for all.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way—the only way for me to assist others in their healing is to bear my soul; being naked before my audience; allowing them to realize I too have set backs, misfortunes, challenges as well as major successes and victories.

I believe there is not one of us still breathing on this living earth who has achieved expert level. When you get to the place where you believe you are, the next phase comes accompanied by growing pains, to launch you to the next plateau. When you ascend to where you are unteachable or the master, you are allowed to cross over into the next realm. There are days I spend more time practicing what I teach than actually teaching. I am one who believes we all teach what we need to know. There are days when I ask, seek, knock and then ask some more.

What Went Wrong?

What happens in your life course, in your stretching if you’re aware, is you become more and more enlightened. So what does that mean? It means you no longer need a building to fall on your head when the expanding life lesson appears. It means you respond to light: the light taps, the light study, the light path. You become in tune with light. When there is a lesson to learn, you grasp it openly and willingly. It means you no longer blame your present or your journey on someone or something. You take responsibility. Transparency is the path of the enlightened journey.

When I was attracting cheaters and twisted souls in my Yucatan transition I asked, “What is going on with me? Why am I attracting this? What’s up with all these adolescent, junior-high, teenage fears revisiting? More importantly I asked, “What did I subconsciously or consciously ask the Universe?” (I’ll provide these answers in upcoming episodes.)

I know the tools. I teach the tools. I have learned tools from others and refined them. I have the hidden knowledge or what some call the secret. I know who I am and I understand my calling. But, I am also wise enough to understand pride comes before the fall. So, I never attempt to pretend I’ve got it ALL together. Oh no! I don’t need any lessons in humility. Well so at least I believed. You’ll hear more about the Yucatan-humility lesson soon enough.

What I want you to understand, especially my sisters out there, it proves nothing and nothing is gained by pretending you have no problems, weaknesses or challenges. The mask conceals ones true identity and alienates those you could possibly assist.

It intimidates. It allows others to believe they will never, ever be able to accomplish what you are: perfection.  (I’m reminded here of a Scripture that speaks of one’s righteousness or self-righteousness being as filthy rags. And ladies, this Scripture ain’t talking about a dust rag.)

When you remove the mask and share your story or your mystery (my story) with others, when you are transparent, filled with light, you permit others to not only see your challenges but your victories and trail to overcoming as well. It gives them hope in accomplishing the same. You allow them to join you on the enlightenment path or the road to glory.

My Solution

Each morning, in spite of feeling vulnerable, I would take time to ground. I would do the work to reduce, calm, and eradicate the mind chatter. With all of the challenges my new and unfamiliar environment was bringing, each day I was determined to find balance, joy and peace. Each day, my goal was to become a little more familiar with my new surroundings. Whether it was exploring the new coast with my lab pals; or learning how to say, “Stop here please” in Spanish so I could ride the bus; or shopping and having lunch with my gorgeous expat sisters in the magical city of Merida, there was always the choice: drown in my sorrows and helplessness or make the best out of the seemingly mess.  I could be the victim or be victorious.

A Reality Reminder

The vulnerability I have recently experienced reminded me of the women I talk to. It reminded me of the teenage girl leaving elementary school trying to fit and find her way in junior high. It reminded me of the woman going through a harrowing divorce or the woman who has lost her soul mate to death having to deal with urgent family affairs, adjust to being single, and no longer being accepted among her married friends. It reminded me of the woman losing her job having worked for the same employer for fifteen or twenty years, having climbed the corporate ladder, now being snubbed by what were once her professional peers. It reminded me of the woman who’d been abused and battered finding a shelter not only being distanced from the foe she still somehow loves; but, being isolated from family and friends, as well.

Nothing stays the same but change. We can fight it, judge it, or roll with it. When major transition comes upon us bringing unfamiliar turf, Vulnerability with a capital V rears its ugly head. It will have you asking yourself, “Am I okay?” It can make you paranoid. It can render you fearful.  It can cause paralysis. It can make you crazy in your head, emotions, crippling your mind, body and soul.

There is never any shame for your feelings, even those of vulnerability. The shame is wearing it beneath a mask while it festers, rots and stinks. The shame is getting comfortable in it and making excuses for it. The shame is remaining in its grip being its lifeless slave and limp casualty.

—To be continued

Day #9

Below are the words to a song produced and sung in the 1980’s.

Ooh-oo child, things’ll get be brighter
Ooh-oo child, things are gonna be easier
Ooh-oo child, things’ll get be brighter

Some day, yeah
We’ll get it together and we’ll get it all done
Some day, when your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah we’ll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day when the world is much brighter

I’ve lived a life filled with all kinds of stuff most of it pretty crappy stuff. I had seasons in my life when I didn’t believe things could or would ever get easier. I saw life as rough, tough and daunting and then you died.

Then something miraculous happened along my life journey. I met an amazing teacher who reminded me that I was a glorious creation in the earth for this time. That after the first born son, there were many others and I was one of the many. And by amazing grace, I came to the realization God had given me everything I needed for this lifetime. The only way my world was going to get easier, lighter and brighter was I grasp what my world was trying to teach me and take responsibility. I had to come to the apprehension no matter how much I ran, wrestled, or denied the buck always stopped with me.

I came to the realization I couldn’t blame my broken relationships, which usually ended with men going away in my life, on the no-good cheating first love who broke my heart when I was eighteen. Nor could I blame the so-called

A Hard Pill to Swallow

best friend who wore my mom-made, hand-crocheted, gorgeous outfit on her first date with him.

I couldn’t blame the drunkard husband who, when I asked him his choice me or his bottle of Jack Daniels, chose Jack. I couldn’t blame the second husband who lost his battle to cancer. And, my parents—could I blame them? I did for a while until I learned that parents are only grown-up kids who have been ruined by other misguided grown-up kids.

After going around the Mulberry bush of life a few dozen times, I finally acknowledged I had an abandonment issue, to name just one. I needed to resolve the matter personally and inwardly. Facing the truth wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. And even now when the proverbial you-know-what hits the fan and the mirror-of-life reflects its ugliness, I still get choked on the truth pill.

That’s right! Things still happen in my middle-aged life where I’d love to blame someone else for my rotten circumstance. However, I now realize it all begins with me. I create my reality, my world. No one and no thing is responsible. And that realization, my friend, is even a harder pill to swallow.

It’s like one of those nasty, over-sized, sticky vitamin supplements my nutritionist keeps telling me is good for my health. How can it be? It’s nasty. It’s smelly and it gets stuck in my throat. But remarkably, once I hold my nose and gag a few times, I do eventually get it down leading to my feeling better physically which, in turn, leads to mental and emotional good health. And the more often I take my supplements, the easier it gets.

Sometimes, life comes at you blazing spitting thirty-eights. And, before you can recover the guns get bigger and the ammo becomes forty-fives. I’ve had the whirlwind of life hit me hard and brutally and at times it seemed before I could get up and recover from the last spray, I was shot and rolled again. There were times when I felt I was done for the count.  And then, a suddenly! An Amazingly!

I came to know the purpose of life, believe it or not, is not to suffer brutally or be its victim. Its purpose is one of abundance, one filled with joy. Life’s experiences are for our expansion which, inevitably, if you learn quickly and don’t fight it, will lead to your joy.

So, can it get easier? Absolutely! When? When you:

1)   look within,

2)   make deliberate and well thought choices,

3)   take responsibility. Whether the choices are good or bad they are yours,

4)   and finally, release and move on.

It will get lighter, like the song says, when your head or your thoughts get lighter. And it can and will become brighter when your mind and beliefs conform to your light within.

Let’s look at a passage of Scripture. It is what I know and use for my base. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Ref.: Jeremiah 29:11. How about this one? “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they [you] may have life, and have it to the full.” Ref.: John 10:10.

These scripture certainly sound positive. The thief, the: robber, burglar, shoplifter, pickpocket, bandit, crook mentioned in the second verse is someone or a force that leaves you feeling vulnerable, violated and victimized. I believe this to be your personally created illusions, shadows and delusions. It is your self-sabotaging, subconscious mind chatter and donkey talk haunting you 24/7.

They are the thoughts telling you life can’t get any better because you’re not worthy of a good, loving, and prosperous life. It is theNiagara Fallsof negative memories reminding and reinforcing the belief, “You don’t deserve love, and you don’t deserve a brighter future, a laughter-filled, lighter or easier life.” It is the malignant belief that you have to suffer and life has to be hard.

Here’s another Scripture? “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Ref.: Matthew 11:30. Meaning, my burden or my oppression is easy: simple, trouble-free, effortless, uncomplicated, painless and unproblematic.

Heresy you say. What about the Scripture that states, “And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” Ref.: Luke 14:27. Could this possibly mean whoever does not carry or bear their own purpose, cause, calling or responsibility cannot follow after or become Me [the Christ minded]?

Let me use one more Scripture to attempt to convince you and then I’ll let you be on your way. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Ref.: Romans 12:2-3.

Now, isn’t that soothing? It should be but probably isn’t because it’s more comfortable and easier to hold on to archaic belief systems that don’t work. The pattern of this world says you must struggle. Life is hard and it’s not your fault. I’m here to tell you that life will bring you ups and downs; and life will mirror back to you who and what you are. Life brings tests and yes, at times, life doesn’t appear to be fair. However, you do not have to be life’s victim.

You can, with ease, understand what these experiences come to teach and learn from the circumstances. You can, with ease, recognize each and every obstacle; and from such create clear objectives, goals and strategies for success. You can comprehend, with ease, how to play the game of life and WIN.

You co-create your life easily or with great difficulty. Realize the only way this world is going to get brighter is when you realize your “things are gonna be easier” begins with you. And yes my friend, that’s a hard pill to swallow.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Ref.: Jeremiah 29:11-13

Another year has come and gone. It’s time for those new-year resolutions, 2012 goals and plans. By now, you probably know how I feel about all of these. Resolutions can be made each and every day at any time of the year. And we, quite often, strive after goals that are fleeting and without clear objectives or clarity resulting in disappointment and greater pain.

As for plans, I, myself, have written a few to include a business plan, a marketing plan and a personal life-plan. Up to a few years ago, I was a strong believer. In my book, “Twelve Magical Keys to Help Women Live Life Abundantly,” I write about and discuss having  S.M.A.R.T. goals and a plan in place to achieve success.

Let’s recap what S.M.A.R.T goals are, briefly. S.M.A.R.T. is an acronym which stands for goals or a plan that has goals that are:

• Specific = The goals are clear and concise
• Measurable = These are the steps taken to help you see where you are in the project, where you need to be, and how much money and time it will take until its completion.
• Attainable = What will it take to reach the goal with the available resources?
• Realistic = Is the goal practical, sensible or reasonable? And/or
  • Risk = How much risk is involved?
• T = What is the timetable for the project including a completion date.

When I included this information in my book, I honestly believed that these steps were necessary. I still do. However, I must admit, my thinking has shifted or transformed to a newer or, what I’d like to believe, a higher way of thinking. I now believe in order to be successful in any endeavor you must have a new, additional type of plan. Please, if you have a few minutes journey with me here.

At the beginning of this piece I shared a Scripture from Jeremiah 29:11-13. This passage is basically saying that the Lord God, the Universe, Omnipotence, All Knowing, Magnificent Light and Love formulated a personal plan for your personal life. May I remind you, this God as well as His plan is not outside of you. God is in the DNA of every person. I find, the sooner you acknowledge this fact, the sooner you lift off.

So, if that plan is inside of you or in your D.N.A., how do you go about getting that plan on the inside to the outside so you can walk into the plan for your life or what I call your purpose and your calling?

Before we proceed, I need to share another passage of Scripture. “I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts. I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint. Then the LORD replied: ‘Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a heraldmay run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time, it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. Ref.: Habakkuk 2:1-3

Let me introduce you today to the H.E.A.R.T^.© plan^.  The H.E.A.R.T^© plan has five steps, like S.M.A.R.T goals.  It helps you find and know the personal plan of God or the heart of God for your life which is simply based upon, “…the plan to prosper you and not harm you, to grant you hope and [an amazing] future.” Your plan is designed for only you. No one can take it or steal it away.

Here are the steps:

• Hear the voice of God.

You must first understand the voice of God is within. Yes, he or she or whatever, whoever you envision God to be is Omnipotent, Omniscient, or all knowing, and Omnipresent. You must also realize that the all powerful, the all knowing and the every place at every time being is not separate from you. I cannot emphasize that enough. You must know if the mountains and the seas are part of the Godliness and greatness, you must also be. “To look to see what He will say,” mentioned in Habakkuk 2 vs. 1 is to gaze, glimpse, glance into yourself, your heart, your soul and hear the voice of God within.

When I was doing case-management work in California, I don’t know how many times I would walk into someone’s home and have to say, “Will you please turn the television off?” or “Please turn the radio down, and even, “Will you please ask the children to play outside until we are done?” I can hear God asking us the same. It’s impossible to have a heart-felt discussion with anyone with noisy distractions and undivided attention. The God within can’t communicate with you if you don’t make time and space for the communication. The “intuitive” voice, the “gut” feeling or fly-by thought that comes to you is also part of the God within attempting to speak to you. You must train yourself to listen being sure it is the voice of God within and not the ego voice.

• Envision: So many women say to me, “I’m asking God for direction.” I then ask where do you want to go? What do you see? Can you see? Do you have an inner vision? You may be so damaged; drained and distraught you can’t see anything anymore. You see nothing but strife, grief and struggle. Your vision may be veiled. You may not be able to discern the ego from the God consciousness leading you into continued cycling, bad decisions, wasted money, and worst of all wasted time.

Your dream that travelled with you through the birth canal and through your D.N.A. may be buried. Be relieved in knowing though it may be sleeping, suffocating or stifled it is not dead. Not if you are reading this piece. It only has to be rekindled. How awesome!

We always write our vision, “….write down the revelation, the vision so he who heralds it or reads it runs with it.” Have you heard people say there is something magical about writing down your goals or creating a vision board? Well there is. It is found in Scripture. To “run” with it means: to bring or move quickly, to hurry.  When you take the step to write your vision, to record what you have glanced into and seen, you can revisit and see your vision daily or weekly. This message imprints upon the conscious mind thereby being rooted in the subconscious mind bringing forth manifestation quickly, hurriedly and easily. More will be accomplished in your sleep with your vision at the subconscious than in your everyday routine of bus-i-ness.

• Ask – “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me …” If you are willing to find the time to be silent, either by prayer or meditation, then you must also be willing to seek the answers to all the questions even the ones you think are forbidden.

I remember when growing up I was always told not to question God. When I became a woman, I asked, “Why not?” If God is my Teacher, and Scripture says he will listen then why can’t I ask? Scripture in Matthew 7:7 clearly tells us to not only ask but to seek and knock. Paraphrased, don’t just ask once but keep seeking and knocking, pounding on the door, if necessary, until you clearly see or hear what it is you need to know. Isn’t that what any good student does? They keep asking and researching until their understanding is clear. But after asking you must astutely LISTEN. Don’t try to over-talk or over-think the teacher.  If you’re not supposed to know the answer or the answer is not timely, you will hear or intuitively know just that.

“When prayer is at its highest we wait in silence for God’s voice to us; we linger in His presence for His peace and His power to flow over us; we lean back in His everlasting arms and feel the serenity of perfect security in Him.” –William Barclay

So, if you desire, ask. If the vision is convoluted ask for clarity. If you require confirmation; that’s right, ask! Don’t stop seeking the answers within until all is clear. To step out before, will only lead to frustration, anguish and disappointment not just sometime; every time.

• Rest–And in the seventh day He, God, rested. We now live in the seventh day and if we are willing to do the first three steps then we must also be willing to LET GO. (The letting go is really the magical piece.) We know it shall come to pass. It: the dream, the desire, may tarry or be delayed but it will come. Learning the magic of letting go may take you cycling or what I call going around the Mulberry Bush a few hundred times. If you’re anything like me, it may possibly take a good portion of your life; but, eventually, you’ll get so fatigued and so tired, if not sick, you will have to come to your end and you will rest.
• And, lastly, here it is: The TRANSITION

You wake up one morning and you’re there. You’re where you’re supposed to be. You’re in the flow and you’re living your dream. The money is coming because you’re on course and more importantly you’re happy. In fact, you’re happy if you’re not making the money because, amazingly, all the good things promised are coming to you anyway. How so? Because the PLAN for your personal life or what is known as your purpose or your calling has overtaken you and you have become one.

This journey is not without bumps, wrong turns, or disappointments. I would be a fraud to tell you otherwise. You may go two steps forward and three steps backward. You might have to go back to the hearing and asking from time to time. In fact, I would suggest you do so every morning before you begin your day. You will most likely need someone to walk you through. But I promise you, you will transition into your dream, your hope, your business and your relationships stronger, wiser, happier, whole, healthy, filled with hope and prosperity. After all, that is the plan for your amazing life.

Why not start 2012 on target! Find out how to fully implement the H.E.A.R.T © plan in your life today. Whether you are challenged with love,   finances, heath, self-expression, career or weight blockages, this amazing life filled with miraculous manifestation and abundance each and every day is for every one. Why not get on board right now?

It has been quite a few days since Day #5 of You Are Not a Victim. A day is a thousand years to the Lord so I’m early.

If you have been following any of my writings or read anything on any of my blog sites, you have come to realize that I am not one who glorifies victimization. I believe that each and every one of us has the power to: get wealth, prosper, thrive, and live an abundant life. You know that I believe if you believe you are a victim, than you will be just that. I believe thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to actions and our actions give us a result each and every time.

                                                Thoughts ——–> Feelings ——–> Actions = Results

Here’s a simple scenario for you ladies:

Thought:       Hmmm he’s late from work, again. It’s the fourth time this month. He’s probably cheating that no good, lying …..

Feeling:         Anger, depression, low self-esteem, restlessness, fear, suspicion/distrust

Action:          Yelling, screaming, checking mates pockets or cell phone, lack of communication; fear-based decisions,

Result:           Destroyed relationship, possible divorce, hurt children if any, broken hearts/family

Now ladies, or should I say victims, how many times has this happened? How many times have you jumped to a conclusion before you gave anyone an opportunity to explain their actions? Now, let me make this perfectly clear. I am not talking about a situation where you are being abused either emotionally, physically, mentally, or sexually. In those situations I always only have one reply and that is, “Get, the Hell Out!” I am, however, talking about situations where we choose to always be the victim whether it is in relationships, careers, or life in general.

Do you know anyone who always seems to have drama, always in some type of battle? They might be battling

The Great "I AM" - Scotland

with a spouse, child or employer. They sometimes contrive these battles of the mind where they’re fighting some invisible force or entity. Why is it that bad things seem to happen to some good people all the time? If God is good, and I believe He is, where is the manifestation of goodness?

I believe in and practice the, “I AM” theory.  Here’s how it works. When Moses said to God, “Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they say to me, ‘What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?”  And God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” And He said, “Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” As you can see, I am also a believer in Holy Scripture.

Let me take this one step further. God said, I am who I am. Now, this next statement will make some of you angry. But, at this point in the game of life for me, I really don’t give a rip. I hope making you angry will shed some light on your pitiful victimization. So, stating this simply, If God is in me, and I believe he’s in each and every one of us since everything is God; and, I am in Him—I cannot be separated from my source, than the “I AM WHO I AM” applies to me also.

                                     When I say, I AM broke—voila’, I AM.

                                     When I say, I AM powerless—amazingly, I AM.                                                                                                                    

                                     When I say, I AM sick and tired, magically, I AM.

What if I began to believe, I AM Good? If God is good and all that is in Him and through Him is good, then am I not good? Is all that surrounds me through Him, by Him not good?

Let’s use our Thoughts ——–> Feelings ——–> Actions = Results model. Here we go:

Thought:          God is good; thereby, I AM Good!

Feeling:            Increased esteem, confident, peaceful, motivated, blessed, resilient, filled with faith

Action:             Move forward with confidence: write a vision plan or business plan, change careers, exit toxic relationships

Result:              A purpose-filled abundant life

It’s very easy to throw around cliches. In fact, we often use them without really ever thinking about or having any real understanding of what we’re saying leading to nothing more than rhetoric.  If God is good, let’s reap what His goodness has in store for us. I’d even go one step further- let’s each and every person become His Divine Goodness seeing goodness in others, letting it magically unfold allowing us to leave our victimization(s) behind to embrace and live a life more abundant.

It’s easy for someone to tell you how important it is to leave your victimization behind. It’s easier said than done. Isn’t it? I’d like to share a few victimless steps that have assisted me. Remember. I am confident if you follow this path, are consistent and dedicated you will begin to actually live the life of victor.

Ready? Here you go. Now remember, don’t start and stop. Take one step at a time. Put one foot in front of the other, every day.

Become Aware – You must first become aware of the dysfunction, unhappiness, and chaos in your life. I like to call this the drama in your life. Here are a few questions I’d like you to contemplate.

1. Are there traumatic, stressful, debilitating, and catastrophic events always occurring in your life?
2. Are you always worrying about something and when there’s nothing to worry about, you worry because you don’t have   something to worry about?
3. Does the crap rolling down hill always hit you?
4. Are you often asking, “Why me?”
5. Are you always the martyr, always the victim?

You need not share your responses with anyone, but the next step to finding your road to healing, your road to abundant living, is honesty. If you can’t be honest with yourself then who can you be honest with? Bill Watterson puts it this way. “It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.”  Humorous? Yes. But, not when it begins to negatively affect your finances, impede your happiness and stifle your abundance. Why pretend you’re fearless when you’re fear-filled? Why say you’re free, when you’re oppressed? Why say and recite truths when, in reality, there is very little evidence that what you’re reciting is having influence. Is it just mindless utterances you are in the habit of quoting?

Once you’re honest about what you’re wrestling with, get an understanding. If you struggle with debilitating fears, attempt to get to the root. Did the fear come from mom, dad, or another authoritative figure? If you settle in your relationships, work, or affairs ask why? Usually this stems from low self-esteem. How do you really feel about yourself?

Don’t be afraid to go inward. The answers lie within. Yes, God is Almighty, All Creator. Yes, He is in complete control. But, it is also finished. It is my belief that all things have been prepared. It is either finished [completed, ended, done] or it’s not. This means your path, your life-purpose has already been created. It is up to you to find it. You were not created to be a victim. You have the power, all the power you’re ever going to get. You have the authority and ability to co-create for your life. Thwarting responsibility—either waiting for God or othersl—can leave you needy, wanting, and powerless. Go within. Find the God-given power within. Be relentless. God power is in each and every one of us. Empower yourself.

Take Action. While God helps those who help themselves is not an actual Scripture, in every example of Christ healing or helping others, an action was required. For example, the woman with the issue of blood had to press through the crowd and touch the hem of Christ’s garment. The blind man spoken of in John 9, after Christ made a mud/saliva salve and put it on the man’s eyes, he was told to wash in the Pool of Siloam. Even when there was no affliction but a party, action was required. Christ’s first miracle of turning the water into wine, Mary, His mother told the servants to do whatever He, the Christ, told them to do. He instructed them to “fill the jars with water,” and then “draw some out.”

You can’t stand idly by waiting and hoping for change. It is not President Obama’s or any one else’s responsibility to bring you change. Change is a process, and your road to healing is a process; and process is a course of action. Ask for divine guidance which requires quiet time with you, and then MOVE with unbridled faith and energy.

Raise Your Energy. EVERYTHING is energy. You want to raise the abundance in your life, raise your energy. How? Incorporate lively, positive music into your life. Dance like you’ve never danced before. Shout life-changing declarations at the top of your lungs with great enthusiasm. Pray, Mediate. Laugh. Sing. And, when life tries to slap you down, jump up and slap it back. Declare, I AM Invincible, I AM an Overcomer, I AM more than a Conqueror. Get excited. Be excited, and Remain excited.

If you take these first steps, remain consistent, dedicated and focused I promise you will embark on a life-changing journey of happiness, love, and abundant living.

You are not a victim. Begin your journey toward victory today.

Psalm 17:5

Uphold my steps in Your paths, that my footsteps may not slip.

Why Victimization Is So Not Cool

• It decreases your self-esteem and self-worth
• It gives your personal power to someone else
• It always sees life from a negative perspective – the glass half empty
• It always self-negates and self-sabotages
• It causes depression and fosters oppression
• It sees discrimination and evil in every person
• It keeps you looking back
• It promotes weakness and dependency
• It negates your inner abundance
• It feeds on pain & darkness
• It thrives and feeds on fear
• No one wants to be around someone who is always the victim

Why Leaving Victimization Behind is Way Cool

• It increases your self-esteem and self-worth
• It empowers you
• It lets you see life from a positive perspective – the glass half full
• It self promotes and brings about self-sufficiency and self-realization
• It produces a fulfilling, joy-filled life
• It acknowledges the good in every person
• It keeps you looking forward and working toward your goals
• It promotes happiness and good vibration
• It helps you realize your inner abundance and realize your purpose
• It reflects Energy & Light
• It thrives and feeds on faith
• Everyone wants to be with this person; in fact, they attract fabulous people

Which life would you rather live? Many of us have had bad things happen to us. All of us go through difficult life-transition at some time in our lives. Far too many have had horrendous experiences and trials. And, it is always our choice, a decision on how we go forward. Will we use the experience to help and lift others and eradicate the wrongs of systems? Will we choose to advocate for truth and justice? Or, will we just play the victim role feelings sorry for ourselves, looking for attention and sympathy; forever angry with ourselves and the world?

That abusive relationship, that injustice, that heinous crime done to you did not come as a surprise to your Creator. He knew it was going to happen. He is all knowing. He also knew He made you strong enough to go through it. My mom has always said, “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.”  Well, there were times when I felt like I was going to die—I wanted to just to get out of the situation.

Just know when the crushing feels like you just can’t take it any more…when it feels like if one more “bad” thing happens it’s going to take you out, just when you plead, “God please take this cup from me,” that’s exactly when the Glory of God will come in taking you over and bringing you forward into your purpose and the calling He had for you before the foundation of this world.

Crazy, it may seem; but true. And, even in your going forward you may fall and become the victim again, either by circumstance or because your past experiences have you believe it. Just  Get Up; Brush Yourself Off; and get right back in the game of life again.

You are Not A Victim

Revelation 3:21

Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne.

A Ticked-off Advocate Speaks Her Mind about Victimization

While in the past few weeks I have decided to no longer do business as I have in the past, I have also told myself that I would no longer mince my words or pussyfoot around with people’s lives. This is not to say that I have in the past; however, when you blog, have a website or comment on Facebook, when you are in the limelight, you feel obligated to be sensitive, polite and

Victory Is Yours

politically correct. You believe you shouldn’t offend your audience.

However, if anyone reading this piece were to interview some of my ex-clients (I am so humbly proud to say ex) they would say at some time or another I pissed them off. They’d probably easily remember me getting under their skin. They’d recall how we yelled back and forth at one another and talked over each other. Some would tell you they phoned my boss at the OCRM to report me for not giving them all the tools, gifts or entitlements they believed they needed. Or, as one of my favorite clients, who is now a friend, did—called my boss because the case manager whom I replaced promised to take care of her and her family and I said, “bull!”

I personally didn’t give a rat’s you-know-what about the promises made to her. I was looking at an intelligent, beautiful young woman who had everything going for her; but, instead she was perfectly comfortable going from one program to another believing that was all she was worthy of having and doing.

It wasn’t the only time that I made her angry. I also made her angry when she told me she was intentionally choosing to make the same stupid decision, over and over again. That was seeking out abusive mates. Well, she didn’t exactly put it that way. After me telling her I was going to pray and declare that she would no longer have any desire for the loser guys she was picking, she kind of said, (paraphrased) “I don’t want you to pray for me because I enjoy my [irrational, absurd, stupid] behavior.”  Adjectives added by yours truly. She stomped off and refused to connect with me for her weekly accountability sessions. I, honestly, saw through her pain and her hurt and knew her words were just that— words. But also honestly, I had far too many cases to manage and didn’t feel it my personal responsibility to track her down. But, this I knew. I had prayed and either she’d get mad and drop off my case load or she’d get mad and move her life forward.

Several weeks later, I received a call. “Can we meet?” She had come to the crazy conclusion that she was good enough, worthy enough (even though these weren’t her words) and believed my prayers for her had helped her lose desire to pursue or be pursued by the losers of her past. “What the $%@! did you do?” she questioned as soon as I was seated across from her.

I laughed. I had messed up her world.

You see, I believe as long as we coddle clients, patients and loved ones—as long as we allow them to be victims of abuse and life, we not only permit but perpetuate their behavior and enable them to be poor, weak, disempowered individuals (whether women or men) believing they are unworthy of anything better, living their pathetic lives as such.

It has been said that people like me, people with my belief “mess other people up.” Well, you know something. Good! If messing them up will cause them to get up of their glorious asses and do something different—Good! My success record, my rate of recidivism speaks for itself.

I do not believe a woman or a man has to cycle six, seven or ten times and/or get their brains beat out before they can find the power to leave. I do not believe they have to have money to leave. I do not even believe they have to enter an agency shelter. However, I believe they do have to first believe in themselves: that they are WORTHY and they are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made by an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient God.

I do believe they must find a strong and powerful support system—someone who has been through it to help them walk though it and out of it. Not someone who talks about it, has studied it or read about it; but, someone who has lived their hell. They have to find someone like a Susan Murphy Milano, Anny Jacoby, or I—someone who has not only survived but has over-come and beat all odds and is willing to walk with them, strengthen their soul, and feed their spirit. Someone who can show them how while they work and fight with everything in their own personal God power to get the hell out of their degrading, humiliating and pitiful situation.

Victim? No you are not! Your situations and/or experiences do not make you. The same as your occupation, career or where you live does not make you. If you are in an undesirable situation, you are simply an individual, male or female, who is going through a challenging life transition—possibly horrendously challenging. You may have forgotten who and what you are. Life has possibly dealt you a hard blow or two; maybe even several probably starting with childhood, and you have come to believe these illusions and shadows are you and what you are. Not so!

I won’t pat your little head or rub your bended back. I’m not going to let you feel sorry for yourself. Nor am I going to let you believe you’re entitled to anything. I’m not going to blame you either and say it’s your fault. Whose fault it is doesn’t matter. But this is what I am going to do. I’m going to teach you that you are somebody. You are someone very, very special. I am going to help you understand you are here for a very powerful and specific purpose. I will prove to you that you are worthy and go on to show you there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

If you wait for someone to empower you, you will be waiting until your hell freezes over. And, it won’t freeze! It won’t stand still. The only way for the abuse, humiliation and dread to end is to make an empowered decision to do something for you. And, when you’re tired and weary, know that you can do all things and every thing through Christ Jesus who is your strength. Listen, He will never leave you or forsake you. You know why? You are in Him and He is in You so you can’t leave one another.

And when someone tells you, you have to be a victim or it’s okay to be a victim or there is nothing you can do or, or, or, or…..you stand with your shoulders back and say, “I AM More than a Conqueror—I AM an Over-comer. I AM a VICTOR.”

Empowering yourself requires action. Learn to protect yourself. Learn to take care of yourself. Learn to depend on no one but yourself. (I personally would include God in the equation I don’t care what agencies say.) Want to know why and how I can be so adamant and arrogant, so bold and audacious with my words?

Here’s three reasons why:

• This 5’3, 105 pound (back in the day) black girl who grew up in the South Bronx, who got pregnant at 20 and then found herself lonely, poor and disempowered one day went down to social services and they, the government, told me to go home and get pregnant. I made too much money. Six-hundred dollars a month was too much money. That’s when I got ticked and waged a war.

• When I was thirty-something and my five-foot obnoxious boss in L.A. told me I’d never be anything or get anywhere because I wasn’t political, that’s when I got ticked, again, and waged a war.

•  And, when my alcoholic, emotionally abusive husband of seventeen years (the man I had washed dirty underwear, cooked, cleaned and shopped for while working 10 hours a day) told me he’d choose his bottle over me any day that’s when I really got pissed and waged a war.

This is what makes me an expert. I’ve lived it and have come through it miraculously and triumphantly. These are only a few of my personal battles. You see every time, a person, a situation, or a challenge attempted to destroy me, I’d resurrect twice as tall and strong and overcome it. When someone told me I couldn’t or shouldn’t, I said, “Bet your ass I will,” and I did.

I have made a well-thought, educated decision to not pursue my purpose the same way I have in the past years as I said in opening. But, I promise you I am not a victim and neither are you.  I will continue to speak out, and continue to speak life into what has been pronounced dead. I will continue to encourage and motivate women to empower themselves. I will continue to speak against disingenuous, disempowering, disabling systems that continue to perpetuate weakness and victimization. I will continue to expose the shams and the imposters. I’ll do it, and I will do it in the strength and in the might of Jesus and our Almighty God. I won’t do it in anger, but I’ll do it in love because love conquers all!

I dare to say that the women and families that I’ve assisted would add this: that when they decided to love themselves, I loved them more. When they decided to take a step for themselves, I took two. When they decided they were sick and tired and weren’t going to take it any more, I was right there beside them just as pissed and ticked as they were—ready to fight as an advocate, a voice, a partner, a friend. Most of these same women and families, I am proud to say, continue to make great strides and accomplishments today.

You are not a victim! You are Victorious.

I hope I’ve pissed you off. And if I have, just like I heard in my own heart one afternoon while on my knees crying, belly aching and vomiting all over God, “Get up and do something! I gave you the power.” Make a declaration, make a phone call, set an intention, make a plan, pack your bags…but crying out loud DO something!

In love, light and healing

Phillipians 3:13-14

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.