Part I— Just Like Junior High Again
I’ve recently experienced a major life-transition. I never knew the physical change I’ve dreamed about for so long would take me down Vulnerable Boulevard which almost lead to Hysteria Lane. Now I think it funny. After so many years of doing the work and after teaching the power of God, Creator and All Energy, I was feeling like a twelve-year-old leaving elementary school headed into junior high: stupid, afraid, and vulnerable.
That’s right! All the fears, all the vulnerability, all the school-girl craziness flooded back. Humbling, terrifying, mystifying; everything I’d ever feared, wondered, questioned all rolled up and delivered in a neat little package—all within seven weeks. Here I was the transitional-life coach right smack-dab in the middle of the weirdest transition ever.
Vulnerable Young Teen
You see, in October my partner and I moved to the Yucatan Peninsula. It was the beginning of our transition into retirement. From the very first time we set eyes on this magical land, we knew this was the place. No questions asked. For several years, we visited each time staying longer. Now it was time to plunge in for the six-month test making sure the place we had pegged, the beach, was the right place in deed.
We knew before setting out, we’d have to return to the States within a month to handle holiday business. We planned to drive down and then drive back to the U.S. In turn, after the holidays, six weeks, we’d make the six-day drive through Mexico to the Yucatan again. After the first trip, we realized not only was it not economical but it wasn’t the sensible thing to do. We couldn’t put our hairy, four-legged family members through that experience again so soon. Nor could we do it to ourselves. So, in our finite wisdom, we decided my partner would return to the States via Frontier Airlines while I stayed behind.
Where we have chosen to stay in the country of Mexico is very safe. We don’t worry about the Cartel or gang and drug violence or anything else for that matter. The Gulf Sea is at our feet. Everyday is Sunday. This thing called time takes on a new perspective here. What could possibly go wrong? My three protectors, my three crazy labs, and I would carry on.
Reflecting back, I don’t know what we were thinking. I would be without a vehicle. The truck we’d driven down would be here, but it is a three-quarter-ton, monster truck with six shifts. My feet can barely reach the pedals. While I’ve been driving since nineteen, the share size and power of the vehicle intimidates me.
I don’t know why we hadn’t thought about a rental. Oh yes, I do! The insurance required would cost just as much as the car rental itself. And, I would need to get to the next town in order to rent the vehicle. My handle on the language was nil at that time. It’s not much better now; but, I now have the confidence to blurt something out even if it’s a far cry from what I’m trying to say. Like, “Can I pickup my laundry on green?” So now, I couldn’t drive and I wouldn’t go anywhere without an escort because I couldn’t communicate with the bus drivers and I couldn’t phone for a cab. (In theYucatan, the bus drivers do not have designated stops. You tell them where and when you want to exit. I didn’t even know how much it would cost to ride.)
To add to the dilemma, some of our first contacts on the beautiful beach were somewhat twisted. At first, they appeared to be good and straightforward; but, in reality they were difficult and some were, what I would define, downright evil. These folk had the personal agenda of making loads of money quickly and easily off the non-suspecting, naive newcomers. There were many good people, of course; great people in fact. But, for some reason they weren’t our initial contacts.
With my partner headed back for the States, I was the new kid on the block trying to sort out the good guys from the bad—the northern banditos with contracts versus the honest realtors. Who really wanted to befriend me for the sake of being friends? Who was telling the truth? Who could I trust? There were days when it was impossible to tell. Yep, just like seventh grade, again.
So now I have: no transportation, limited communication, and the need to sort out the genuine from the frauds, fakes and fanatics.
Let me add one more piece to the vulnerability puzzle. The infrastructure in this part of Mexico is not keeping up with the numbers who are migrating. So, the Internet service is one that can be enhanced. We use the Internet for television, phone service, and of course email. When the service is down all communication in our house it cut off from the outside world. There were days I would awaken and have no means of connecting with my partner in the States. I could have used the cell phone but that was an extremely expensive way to do so. I did, often times, send text messages to let him know I was okay.
There were days I would sit in my house surrounded by many neighbors; yet, isolated. To top it off, the first week my partner was away one of our sweetest, lovable labs let his natural instinct kick in and attacked the neighbor’s family cat. She died within two days of the incident. Would this family still like us? Would they forgive us? What would be the gossip in the Beach Telegraph? This family had brought their pet down from the States and she had been in their family for many years. My partner and I cried on the phone, together, that evening.
Was God trying to tell me something? Was I trying to tell me something? What the hell was going on? Things became so convoluted there were days I couldn’t tell reality from the Yucatan Twilight Zone. When I did connect with my partner in the States, the conversations should have been sweet and cherished, “Hi honey, so good to hear from you.” However, the conversations were turning sour. “Why didn’t you call! I’m sitting here all alone. Don’t you know I need you, you $%&%?” Thoughts lead to feelings, which lead to actions. My actions or reactions lead to a result. What was resulting in my life was distrust, cynicism and paranoia and let’s not leave out anxiety and stress.
Yes! Just like junior high, again. All I needed was an outbreak of acne. But wait! I did have an outbreak of acne. Big welts appeared on my checks and along the insides of my nose. There I was, fifty-six years young, in the local Farmacia frustrated and flustered pointing to the big, unsightly, pus-filled welts, trying to ask for acne medicine using Spanglish.
I’ve often thought, “To only be a teenager and know what I know today, I’d do things differently.” I’d been presented with the opportunity. Life in the Yucatan was unfolding and time would tell if I’d keep those words.
—To be continued
Below are the words to a song produced and sung in the 1980’s.
Ooh-oo child, things’ll get be brighter
Ooh-oo child, things are gonna be easier
Ooh-oo child, things’ll get be brighter
Some day, yeah
We’ll get it together and we’ll get it all done
Some day, when your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah we’ll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day when the world is much brighter
I’ve lived a life filled with all kinds of stuff most of it pretty crappy stuff. I had seasons in my life when I didn’t believe things could or would ever get easier. I saw life as rough, tough and daunting and then you died.
Then something miraculous happened along my life journey. I met an amazing teacher who reminded me that I was a glorious creation in the earth for this time. That after the first born son, there were many others and I was one of the many. And by amazing grace, I came to the realization God had given me everything I needed for this lifetime. The only way my world was going to get easier, lighter and brighter was I grasp what my world was trying to teach me and take responsibility. I had to come to the apprehension no matter how much I ran, wrestled, or denied the buck always stopped with me.
I came to the realization I couldn’t blame my broken relationships, which usually ended with men going away in my life, on the no-good cheating first love who broke my heart when I was eighteen. Nor could I blame the so-called
A Hard Pill to Swallow
best friend who wore my mom-made, hand-crocheted, gorgeous outfit on her first date with him.
I couldn’t blame the drunkard husband who, when I asked him his choice me or his bottle of Jack Daniels, chose Jack. I couldn’t blame the second husband who lost his battle to cancer. And, my parents—could I blame them? I did for a while until I learned that parents are only grown-up kids who have been ruined by other misguided grown-up kids.
After going around the Mulberry bush of life a few dozen times, I finally acknowledged I had an abandonment issue, to name just one. I needed to resolve the matter personally and inwardly. Facing the truth wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. And even now when the proverbial you-know-what hits the fan and the mirror-of-life reflects its ugliness, I still get choked on the truth pill.
That’s right! Things still happen in my middle-aged life where I’d love to blame someone else for my rotten circumstance. However, I now realize it all begins with me. I create my reality, my world. No one and no thing is responsible. And that realization, my friend, is even a harder pill to swallow.
It’s like one of those nasty, over-sized, sticky vitamin supplements my nutritionist keeps telling me is good for my health. How can it be? It’s nasty. It’s smelly and it gets stuck in my throat. But remarkably, once I hold my nose and gag a few times, I do eventually get it down leading to my feeling better physically which, in turn, leads to mental and emotional good health. And the more often I take my supplements, the easier it gets.
Sometimes, life comes at you blazing spitting thirty-eights. And, before you can recover the guns get bigger and the ammo becomes forty-fives. I’ve had the whirlwind of life hit me hard and brutally and at times it seemed before I could get up and recover from the last spray, I was shot and rolled again. There were times when I felt I was done for the count. And then, a suddenly! An Amazingly!
I came to know the purpose of life, believe it or not, is not to suffer brutally or be its victim. Its purpose is one of abundance, one filled with joy. Life’s experiences are for our expansion which, inevitably, if you learn quickly and don’t fight it, will lead to your joy.
So, can it get easier? Absolutely! When? When you:
1) look within,
2) make deliberate and well thought choices,
3) take responsibility. Whether the choices are good or bad they are yours,
4) and finally, release and move on.
It will get lighter, like the song says, when your head or your thoughts get lighter. And it can and will become brighter when your mind and beliefs conform to your light within.
Let’s look at a passage of Scripture. It is what I know and use for my base. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Ref.: Jeremiah 29:11. How about this one? “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they [you] may have life, and have it to the full.” Ref.: John 10:10.
These scripture certainly sound positive. The thief, the: robber, burglar, shoplifter, pickpocket, bandit, crook mentioned in the second verse is someone or a force that leaves you feeling vulnerable, violated and victimized. I believe this to be your personally created illusions, shadows and delusions. It is your self-sabotaging, subconscious mind chatter and donkey talk haunting you 24/7.
They are the thoughts telling you life can’t get any better because you’re not worthy of a good, loving, and prosperous life. It is theNiagara Fallsof negative memories reminding and reinforcing the belief, “You don’t deserve love, and you don’t deserve a brighter future, a laughter-filled, lighter or easier life.” It is the malignant belief that you have to suffer and life has to be hard.
Here’s another Scripture? “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Ref.: Matthew 11:30. Meaning, my burden or my oppression is easy: simple, trouble-free, effortless, uncomplicated, painless and unproblematic.
Heresy you say. What about the Scripture that states, “And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” Ref.: Luke 14:27. Could this possibly mean whoever does not carry or bear their own purpose, cause, calling or responsibility cannot follow after or become Me [the Christ minded]?
Let me use one more Scripture to attempt to convince you and then I’ll let you be on your way. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Ref.: Romans 12:2-3.
Now, isn’t that soothing? It should be but probably isn’t because it’s more comfortable and easier to hold on to archaic belief systems that don’t work. The pattern of this world says you must struggle. Life is hard and it’s not your fault. I’m here to tell you that life will bring you ups and downs; and life will mirror back to you who and what you are. Life brings tests and yes, at times, life doesn’t appear to be fair. However, you do not have to be life’s victim.
You can, with ease, understand what these experiences come to teach and learn from the circumstances. You can, with ease, recognize each and every obstacle; and from such create clear objectives, goals and strategies for success. You can comprehend, with ease, how to play the game of life and WIN.
You co-create your life easily or with great difficulty. Realize the only way this world is going to get brighter is when you realize your “things are gonna be easier” begins with you. And yes my friend, that’s a hard pill to swallow.