Vulnerability in Change – Part IV

In the true nature of who I am—cutting through the chase and being transparent I ask you to answer the above question. Hygiene is important is it not? What happens when you don’t change your underwear? It doesn’t take long before there is a smell, a stench, a stink that repels others and attracts bugs. We give strong advice to our children about the necessity of good hygiene. We reprimand them for not changing daily.

I know the title might be unappealing and even repelling to some but I believe it’s a good analogy. We wouldn’t think of wearing the same underwear for three or four days: smelly, seedy, downright gross. But, we somehow never give a second thought about wearing smelly, seedy, downright gross energy which is much more harmful.

I work with women who are either leaving tainted and destructive relationships, changing careers, or going through some type of major transition. Many are vulnerable and feel such. Even age, a major birthday like a fiftieth, can leave a woman vulnerable.  I can do one of two things for these women: I can tell them they are incredibly strong, amazing, and resourceful beings who are fearfully made.

I can tell them they have the innate power to get up and take control of their life and circumstance. They have the energy to kick ass and take names. They need never, ever give up hope! They do not have to remain vulnerable. Or, I can make excuses.

I can hold their hands, rub their backs and heads and tell them their horribly debilitating, disabling and somewhat diabolical situations are just that and there is no way out. I can tell them they are too broke, too small, too inferior, and too ignorant to change. I can make excuse after excuse. I can tell them they are not responsible for their situation and they are a victim (definition referenced below). I can blame the devil or demonic powers.

What feels better?

Which of the above scenarios feels empowering? The “Oh, life is terrible, poor me,” or the, “I am in control of my life and nothing can stop me. I can make a change!” Or better yet, “I can make the decision to change.” Really, which one? What about my situation again. I could have sat with a pocket full of money, the Gulf at my feet, feeling sorry for myself; or I could make a decision to enjoy my dream-come-true and move forward without being a subject of attack.

The Tools I Used

As mentioned in Part II of this series, I pumped up my grounding. Instead of spending an hour tormenting myself, trying to figure out what I was going to do (my mind didn’t know there was no previous experience) I amped up the prayer and meditating. I amped up the asking. I had to even ask what to ask. I really didn’t know. Have you ever heard of praying or asking amiss? It sounds like “God, Source, Universe,” whatever name you use, “Will you show me the way?” Sorry but that’s asking amiss.

I was in a strange place. I had gone where I’d never dared to go before. “Show me the way” wasn’t cutting it. So instead I asked, “Send me someone who will speak and bring the truth about living in this part of the world. Send me someone or people I can trust in the purchase of land and property. Let me find the true voice.” I got specific and clear in my ask.

In my time of meditation this is what came to me, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” This is what also came “Lean not to your own understanding; but in all your ways acknowledge Him, for He is directing your path.” Guess what happened? Go ahead, I dear you to guess. Truth, Trust and Voice showed up almost immediately.

A couple overheard my conversation while having breakfast one morning and they came to the rescue. For no charge they would take me around and show me available properties. There was absolutely nothing in it for them. They weren’t realtors. They weren’t agents.

After they showed me around, they went one step further and began asking locals if they were interested in selling their properties. They then volunteered to pick me up and show me more homes and land. Upon my partner returning, they invited us into their lovely home sharing everything they knew—their experiences of living in theYucatan.

They then took us to a property we had been looking at and were interested in buying. They had no way of knowing we had previously seen or had interest in the property. They told us the “true” price the seller was asking. The property had been previously marketed to us for $15,000 over the seller’s asking price.

Not only did this couple show up but others as well. The truth and nothing but the truth was showing up. My neighbor directly across from me became a heart send. I asked if I could accompany her when she was going shopping inMerida with other beautiful sisters. She said yes. I asked if she would mind taking me to drop my trash at the town dump. She said yes.

Here’s the humility lesson I spoke of earlier. I had to wait for someone to take me to get rid of my trash. Interesting enough, a truck came by often; but, I would always miss connecting. Not until my partner returned. Do you think there was a lesson? This woman, by the way, is the same woman who owned the cat my dog had killed. She invited me to afternoon events where I would eat, laugh and meet other trusting and kind souls.

I told another amazing couple, who are now quite good friends, that I didn’t know how to ride the bus. They told me how much it would cost. They told me what to say to the driver, in Spanish, when I needed off. And, they took me directly to where I would catch the bus to go into town and back home again.

Suddenly, there was a plethora of trust and truth. Why? Because I specifically asked for its help! I had so many invitations, so much help that I was overtaken. I’d arrive at home, late at night, exhausted from all the shear adventure, fun and pleasure: fashion shows, afternoon jam sessions, shopping in the City of Merida, potlucks and then all the gala that goes with the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays.

And for the voice, I found the voice of truth all around me. My personal voice as well became emboldened. I also took responsibility for learning the language. I speak with confidence as I continue to learn. The words now come more easily.

It was so simple.

•  I realized I was beginning to sink in negative energy
• I took responsibility for the energy
• I made the choice to change the energy
• I asked for spiritual help
• I asked friends and neighbors for help; and when they showed up
• I responded; I didn’t send them away.

I changed my energy. And, change came.

Thanks but no thanks

So many times God, Source, the Universe sends us help and we say, “No thank you.” Our answer shows up or new energy shows up and we say, “Sorry, not today.” Okay ladies, it’s like you have the choice of putting on the beautiful, new, sexy Vickie Secrets and instead you choose to wear the big, old, raggedy and stained bloomers and wonder why your partner is cheating. Yes, I went there. It really is the same thing. Isn’t that sexy underwear energy? You bet it is. Don’t you feel and act sexy when you wear them?

Let me make you a little angrier. Maybe you’ll do something. We choose to remain in the abusive relationship with excuses. We choose to remain on the boring, unchallenging, low-paying job with excuses. We remain in the broken state of sickness and “dis” ease holding onto anger, hate and un-forgiveness, to name just a few of the crippling emotions, because the smelly, stinky, stench is comfortable and familiar. The known stench is more comfortable than the fragrance that will eventually come with the newness and the change.

Your new energy, your answer can show up in many different and simple ways. Sometimes, it’s simply a smile. Other times, it’s an outstretched hand and heart; it’s someone offering to buy you a cup of coffee. Often, it’s your intuitive voice whispering the direction or way to go.

If you can change your underwear daily, you should give just as much if not more attention to changing your energy, for the better, daily.

To be continued

Victim: 1. One who is harmed or killed by another: 2. A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice during a religious rite. 3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: 4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: 5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of:

Vulnerable:  Susceptible to physical or emotional injury. b. Susceptible to attack:

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Vulnerability in Change Part – II

In my last piece, I shared the true story of my recent transition to the Yucatan. I was completely transparent and honest. I know the power of transparency. I have experienced its transforming power firsthand. My initial experience was working for the Orange County Rescue Mission in Southern Cal as a case manager. I had been warned that I should never, ever share my personal story with clients. But, I had no other story. I told it and the chains and bondage fell away.

My second experience was through the mentoring of my business coach Maria Simone accompanied by her techie, genius husband Michael (Doc) Murdock. Several years ago, during an online coaching session with several on the call, I shared my anxieties and paralysis. The session took a different course becoming a spiritual healing session for not just me but for all.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way—the only way for me to assist others in their healing is to bear my soul; being naked before my audience; allowing them to realize I too have set backs, misfortunes, challenges as well as major successes and victories.

I believe there is not one of us still breathing on this living earth who has achieved expert level. When you get to the place where you believe you are, the next phase comes accompanied by growing pains, to launch you to the next plateau. When you ascend to where you are unteachable or the master, you are allowed to cross over into the next realm. There are days I spend more time practicing what I teach than actually teaching. I am one who believes we all teach what we need to know. There are days when I ask, seek, knock and then ask some more.

What Went Wrong?

What happens in your life course, in your stretching if you’re aware, is you become more and more enlightened. So what does that mean? It means you no longer need a building to fall on your head when the expanding life lesson appears. It means you respond to light: the light taps, the light study, the light path. You become in tune with light. When there is a lesson to learn, you grasp it openly and willingly. It means you no longer blame your present or your journey on someone or something. You take responsibility. Transparency is the path of the enlightened journey.

When I was attracting cheaters and twisted souls in my Yucatan transition I asked, “What is going on with me? Why am I attracting this? What’s up with all these adolescent, junior-high, teenage fears revisiting? More importantly I asked, “What did I subconsciously or consciously ask the Universe?” (I’ll provide these answers in upcoming episodes.)

I know the tools. I teach the tools. I have learned tools from others and refined them. I have the hidden knowledge or what some call the secret. I know who I am and I understand my calling. But, I am also wise enough to understand pride comes before the fall. So, I never attempt to pretend I’ve got it ALL together. Oh no! I don’t need any lessons in humility. Well so at least I believed. You’ll hear more about the Yucatan-humility lesson soon enough.

What I want you to understand, especially my sisters out there, it proves nothing and nothing is gained by pretending you have no problems, weaknesses or challenges. The mask conceals ones true identity and alienates those you could possibly assist.

It intimidates. It allows others to believe they will never, ever be able to accomplish what you are: perfection.  (I’m reminded here of a Scripture that speaks of one’s righteousness or self-righteousness being as filthy rags. And ladies, this Scripture ain’t talking about a dust rag.)

When you remove the mask and share your story or your mystery (my story) with others, when you are transparent, filled with light, you permit others to not only see your challenges but your victories and trail to overcoming as well. It gives them hope in accomplishing the same. You allow them to join you on the enlightenment path or the road to glory.

My Solution

Each morning, in spite of feeling vulnerable, I would take time to ground. I would do the work to reduce, calm, and eradicate the mind chatter. With all of the challenges my new and unfamiliar environment was bringing, each day I was determined to find balance, joy and peace. Each day, my goal was to become a little more familiar with my new surroundings. Whether it was exploring the new coast with my lab pals; or learning how to say, “Stop here please” in Spanish so I could ride the bus; or shopping and having lunch with my gorgeous expat sisters in the magical city of Merida, there was always the choice: drown in my sorrows and helplessness or make the best out of the seemingly mess.  I could be the victim or be victorious.

A Reality Reminder

The vulnerability I have recently experienced reminded me of the women I talk to. It reminded me of the teenage girl leaving elementary school trying to fit and find her way in junior high. It reminded me of the woman going through a harrowing divorce or the woman who has lost her soul mate to death having to deal with urgent family affairs, adjust to being single, and no longer being accepted among her married friends. It reminded me of the woman losing her job having worked for the same employer for fifteen or twenty years, having climbed the corporate ladder, now being snubbed by what were once her professional peers. It reminded me of the woman who’d been abused and battered finding a shelter not only being distanced from the foe she still somehow loves; but, being isolated from family and friends, as well.

Nothing stays the same but change. We can fight it, judge it, or roll with it. When major transition comes upon us bringing unfamiliar turf, Vulnerability with a capital V rears its ugly head. It will have you asking yourself, “Am I okay?” It can make you paranoid. It can render you fearful.  It can cause paralysis. It can make you crazy in your head, emotions, crippling your mind, body and soul.

There is never any shame for your feelings, even those of vulnerability. The shame is wearing it beneath a mask while it festers, rots and stinks. The shame is getting comfortable in it and making excuses for it. The shame is remaining in its grip being its lifeless slave and limp casualty.

—To be continued